Thank you to everyone who has helped bring us this far, both financially and prayerfully. You are making a way for these boys to no longer be called orphans, but sons, and we are truly grateful.
Alana and Justin
Friday, September 13, 2013
The Waiting Is Almost Over
I have not posted in a while because we have to be very careful with what we share publicly. In the past few months we have just been waiting...and waiting...and waiting. We have almost hit the "6 month" mark in waiting for the final part of the adoption to be complete. I am literally checking my email 1,000 times a day in anticipation. We will be given a date and Justin will probably travel 1-3 weeks after that date and be in the country 2-4 weeks after he arrives. As the days to my delivery of Carson gets closer it is looking more and more like Justin may be in Africa when she is born. As much anxiety as that makes me have, I know God's timing is perfect, His plans are perfect, and He is sovereign over it all. We are still not sure if Carson will come first or if Canaan and Neema will come first. There are so many "unknowns" still to come. We trust that God will sustain us and give us understanding when the time comes.
Becoming a parent through adoption and through pregnancy have been wonderful to encounter at the same time. God has taught us so much about Himself through both processes. As He is knitting Carson together in the womb, He is also sustaining and carrying out His plan for our boys to be home. Adoption has definitely been much harder than pregnancy. Knowing that Canaan and Neema are now legally our sons and cannot be with us has been heart-wrenching. I've been frustrated at the change in the whole adoption process and all of the waiting that comes with it. As we come to the end of this journey and will begin a new one (a family of 5!) we would covet your prayers. Please be in prayer for finances to be secured (the remainder is due when Justin travels), for safety of all of our children and for Justin and his dad as they travel, for a healthy delivery of Carson, and for God to be teaching Justin and I how to be Godly parents that will raise children up to love the Lord and His Word. You can also pray that God will grant us peace about what ever happens with the timing of Justin's travel and the birth of Carson.
Thank you to everyone who has helped bring us this far, both financially and prayerfully. You are making a way for these boys to no longer be called orphans, but sons, and we are truly grateful.
Alana and Justin
Thank you to everyone who has helped bring us this far, both financially and prayerfully. You are making a way for these boys to no longer be called orphans, but sons, and we are truly grateful.
Alana and Justin
Thursday, July 18, 2013
God's Timing is Always Better
I haven't posted any updates in a while because I wanted to be careful about how much we reveal about our adoption. If you're not in the adoption world it's probably hard to understand why we have to be careful about what we say and how much we say, especially over social media. But to bring you up to date on the boys we are still waiting. I've had several people ask, "do you have any updates?" We are in the last stages of this adoption and we really won't know/have any more updates until they tell us (Justin) that it's time to travel to get the boys. It feels like this journey is taking forever but we could not have chosen a better agency. If you are interested in adopting from the DRC or Niger (new program) you definitely need to contact the agency we're using! They are completely ethical and I could not ask for a better group of people to take care of our adoption.
This extra time is also allowing us to get ready for all of the changes coming and the rest of the money that's due. We're still not sure where the $12,000 or so is going to come from but we trust that God already has it planned and in His timing He will reveal it to us, whether it's a fundraiser or a loan. God obviously doesn't think like I do or I would have a million dollars sitting in the bank to pay for the rest of this adoption as well as thousands of other families' adoptions. He has never failed us and I know these boys will be home. I can't wait to see how He's going to make it happen. His timing has been in place the whole time and no matter how much I've worried or not worried God has been (and will continue to be) sovereign over it all.
Beginning our family has been both frustrating, exciting, and testing. We knew we would adopt and when we had difficulty getting pregnant we knew we wanted to start our family through adoption first. It just seemed like a no brainer since we were going to adopt anyway. I am now soooooo thankful that God did not allow us to get pregnant when I wanted to get pregnant. I know that we would not be adopting these two particular little boys if I had gotten pregnant in my timing. How wonderful are His plans for us. I spent much time crying over having our adoption pushed back because of US Embassy changes and crying over trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years. Thankfully God doesn't work the way I want Him to. Justin always reminds me of one of John Piper's quotes, "God isn't as interested in our happiness as much as he's interested in our holiness." Justin always speaks truths to me when I need it. Sometimes we don't understand until later why He does what He does. And truthfully there are some things we may never understand and we must be ok with that because we hold to the fact that He is God and we are not. I have come to realize that in all things we face God desires that we give him glory in every moment of it. He allows things in our lives for some reason, whether it is to shape us, reveal more of Himself to us, or do even greater things that we are not even aware of.
With that said, God is continually teaching me about Himself through this journey and I'm convinced that I know more about Him and His character because of this whole process both in adoption and pregnancy. It's been more than incredibly amazing to experience parenthood through adoption and pregnancy at the same time! The waiting for both have been extremely hard but the waiting and longing for these boys have by far been the most difficult. Knowing that my children with my last name are sitting in a foster home across the world is tough. I know Carson is safe inside my belly. I know she's getting the nutrition she needs. I've had to trust God in a completely different way when it comes to my boys because they are truly in His hands. God is continuing to sustain the boys and us as we wait. So in the waiting we will chose to be actively waiting, praying and watching for what God is doing and what He wants to teach us in the most difficult times.
For those of you who are praying for us you can specifically pray:
-The investigation (on the boys) will go smoothly and quickly.
-We will be able to pay for the remainder of the adoption.
-God will be preparing Canaan and Neema's heart for the huge change that is about to take place and they will be able to bond with Justin when he travels to DRC.
-We will be at piece with God's timing and He will "ready" us for the changes that will take place in our home (financially, spiritually, and physically).
~Alana
This extra time is also allowing us to get ready for all of the changes coming and the rest of the money that's due. We're still not sure where the $12,000 or so is going to come from but we trust that God already has it planned and in His timing He will reveal it to us, whether it's a fundraiser or a loan. God obviously doesn't think like I do or I would have a million dollars sitting in the bank to pay for the rest of this adoption as well as thousands of other families' adoptions. He has never failed us and I know these boys will be home. I can't wait to see how He's going to make it happen. His timing has been in place the whole time and no matter how much I've worried or not worried God has been (and will continue to be) sovereign over it all.
Beginning our family has been both frustrating, exciting, and testing. We knew we would adopt and when we had difficulty getting pregnant we knew we wanted to start our family through adoption first. It just seemed like a no brainer since we were going to adopt anyway. I am now soooooo thankful that God did not allow us to get pregnant when I wanted to get pregnant. I know that we would not be adopting these two particular little boys if I had gotten pregnant in my timing. How wonderful are His plans for us. I spent much time crying over having our adoption pushed back because of US Embassy changes and crying over trying to get pregnant for almost 2 years. Thankfully God doesn't work the way I want Him to. Justin always reminds me of one of John Piper's quotes, "God isn't as interested in our happiness as much as he's interested in our holiness." Justin always speaks truths to me when I need it. Sometimes we don't understand until later why He does what He does. And truthfully there are some things we may never understand and we must be ok with that because we hold to the fact that He is God and we are not. I have come to realize that in all things we face God desires that we give him glory in every moment of it. He allows things in our lives for some reason, whether it is to shape us, reveal more of Himself to us, or do even greater things that we are not even aware of.
With that said, God is continually teaching me about Himself through this journey and I'm convinced that I know more about Him and His character because of this whole process both in adoption and pregnancy. It's been more than incredibly amazing to experience parenthood through adoption and pregnancy at the same time! The waiting for both have been extremely hard but the waiting and longing for these boys have by far been the most difficult. Knowing that my children with my last name are sitting in a foster home across the world is tough. I know Carson is safe inside my belly. I know she's getting the nutrition she needs. I've had to trust God in a completely different way when it comes to my boys because they are truly in His hands. God is continuing to sustain the boys and us as we wait. So in the waiting we will chose to be actively waiting, praying and watching for what God is doing and what He wants to teach us in the most difficult times.
For those of you who are praying for us you can specifically pray:
-The investigation (on the boys) will go smoothly and quickly.
-We will be able to pay for the remainder of the adoption.
-God will be preparing Canaan and Neema's heart for the huge change that is about to take place and they will be able to bond with Justin when he travels to DRC.
-We will be at piece with God's timing and He will "ready" us for the changes that will take place in our home (financially, spiritually, and physically).
~Alana
Saturday, April 27, 2013
God is Full of Surprises
The past month has been a little crazy at the Carroll house to say the least. I've been deathly sick for about 3 weeks (at least I felt that way). Our friend from Africa has arrived and is living with us for 2 months. We're trying to finish our house which is a long way from being completely remodeled. Those are just a few of the crazy things going on.
We've got a few updates on our process this month. Our i600 was approved and should now be in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo. For those of you who have no idea what an i600 is, it's paperwork that you fill out to adopt an orphan as an immediate relative. I don't think I've ever mailed so much paperwork as I did when I mailed our i600. So, it should have arrived at the US Embassy in Kinshasa (the capital) by now. At this point we wait for them to put our information in the system. Once they do that, our 3-6 month wait will start. The US Embassy in DRC will complete an investigation on the boys to basically make sure they are both really orphans. Once the investigation is complete they will inform us that we can travel to get them! Our agency has told us that we should expect it to be closer to 6 months for the investigations to be completed...but I still have hope it could be sooner!
We also just got updated pictures of our boys this week! Hooray! Canaan's photos always make me so sad. In all the pictures we have ever seen of him he has not smiled. Not even a slight grin. He was wearing the same shirt he has worn in the last 3 pictures we have seen of him. Soon Canaan. Soon you will smile. You don't know it now but your life is going to dramatically change in a few months and you will have much to smile about! Neema's picture was quite different. He was wearing a cute little outfit of a striped shirt and white overalls. And he was smiling!!! Hands on his hips and smiling! Justin and I were almost unsure if it was him or not because he has grown so much. He lost some of his baby fat on his cheeks and he looks taller.
Along with the photos we got a brief update form. It included their height, weight, and foster location. They are now in the SAME foster home!!! Hooray!!!! We've been waiting for this for a while! Also on the update form it said they were both in diapers. After talking with other adoptive moms, some of whom were adopting older children found out that their kids were also wearing diapers. We questioned our adoption consultant and she said that in the orphanages the workers just "let the kids go." She said that during her last visit there she couldn't count how many children she held or was with that were soaked. The thought of these children sitting in their own urine all day long made my stomach turn. Just another reason there are no smiles on their faces. Thankfully, once the children are moved to foster care this changes. Foster mamas are very good about potty training and keeping them dry. I just pray that all the kids who are in the orphanage get adopted so they can move to foster homes as well.
So now for the surprise. I will not be going to DRC to get our boys. I have cried and cried and cried because I realized I would not be able to go. Justin's dad is going to go with them. I am grateful that he volunteered to go because I can't. It's a day that I have played out in my head since the day we got their referral pictures. I imagined the foster mamas bringing them out and trying to fight back tears while glowing from ear to ear. I wondered if they would come to me or if they would cry for their foster mama. I day dreamed about the two weeks would be in DRC with them, trying to establish the very beginnings of our relationship. I have to let those dreams go because God has bigger plans for our family. I will not be going to DRC because.....
Yes, thats right. I'm pregnant. That was our ultrasound at 6 weeks and 5 days. I am now 11 weeks. Surprised? We were too. We had tried for almost 2 years to get pregnant. I even went on fertility meds for about a month. After we decided to pursue adoption first and then try for a biological child later we had stopped "trying." I wasn't even sure if we could get pregnant after Justin and I both went in for some testing. Thankfully, God has a MUCH better timing than do we. If I would have had this baby first, Canaan and Neema probably wouldn't be the children we would be adopting. We are due November 16th. So PLEASE pray that Justin will be able to get the boys before then!
I want to get something straight before I close out this post. I have had MANY people say to me, "Oh I knew you would get pregnant once you started adopting" or "That always happens." Ok, yes, it did happen to us. We did get pregnant while adopting. But it doesn't happen to everyone. So please don't say that to someone has been infertile and are adopting. Also, I want to clarify this: WE DID NOT ADOPT BECAUSE WE COULD NOT GET PREGNANT. We are adopting because God calls us (all) to take care of the fatherless. My boys NEED a family. We would adopt whether we have 10 biological children or 0. Adoption has NOTHING to do with whether or not we have biological children. Millions and millions and millions of children are sitting in orphanages right now, soaked in the own urine with hungry bellies and no one to call them son or daughter. This is why we adopt. We seek to make them our family in the same way that God has made us His family.
Soon Canaan and Neema. Soon you will be home.
We've got a few updates on our process this month. Our i600 was approved and should now be in Kinshasa, Democratic Republic of Congo. For those of you who have no idea what an i600 is, it's paperwork that you fill out to adopt an orphan as an immediate relative. I don't think I've ever mailed so much paperwork as I did when I mailed our i600. So, it should have arrived at the US Embassy in Kinshasa (the capital) by now. At this point we wait for them to put our information in the system. Once they do that, our 3-6 month wait will start. The US Embassy in DRC will complete an investigation on the boys to basically make sure they are both really orphans. Once the investigation is complete they will inform us that we can travel to get them! Our agency has told us that we should expect it to be closer to 6 months for the investigations to be completed...but I still have hope it could be sooner!
We also just got updated pictures of our boys this week! Hooray! Canaan's photos always make me so sad. In all the pictures we have ever seen of him he has not smiled. Not even a slight grin. He was wearing the same shirt he has worn in the last 3 pictures we have seen of him. Soon Canaan. Soon you will smile. You don't know it now but your life is going to dramatically change in a few months and you will have much to smile about! Neema's picture was quite different. He was wearing a cute little outfit of a striped shirt and white overalls. And he was smiling!!! Hands on his hips and smiling! Justin and I were almost unsure if it was him or not because he has grown so much. He lost some of his baby fat on his cheeks and he looks taller.
Along with the photos we got a brief update form. It included their height, weight, and foster location. They are now in the SAME foster home!!! Hooray!!!! We've been waiting for this for a while! Also on the update form it said they were both in diapers. After talking with other adoptive moms, some of whom were adopting older children found out that their kids were also wearing diapers. We questioned our adoption consultant and she said that in the orphanages the workers just "let the kids go." She said that during her last visit there she couldn't count how many children she held or was with that were soaked. The thought of these children sitting in their own urine all day long made my stomach turn. Just another reason there are no smiles on their faces. Thankfully, once the children are moved to foster care this changes. Foster mamas are very good about potty training and keeping them dry. I just pray that all the kids who are in the orphanage get adopted so they can move to foster homes as well.
So now for the surprise. I will not be going to DRC to get our boys. I have cried and cried and cried because I realized I would not be able to go. Justin's dad is going to go with them. I am grateful that he volunteered to go because I can't. It's a day that I have played out in my head since the day we got their referral pictures. I imagined the foster mamas bringing them out and trying to fight back tears while glowing from ear to ear. I wondered if they would come to me or if they would cry for their foster mama. I day dreamed about the two weeks would be in DRC with them, trying to establish the very beginnings of our relationship. I have to let those dreams go because God has bigger plans for our family. I will not be going to DRC because.....
I want to get something straight before I close out this post. I have had MANY people say to me, "Oh I knew you would get pregnant once you started adopting" or "That always happens." Ok, yes, it did happen to us. We did get pregnant while adopting. But it doesn't happen to everyone. So please don't say that to someone has been infertile and are adopting. Also, I want to clarify this: WE DID NOT ADOPT BECAUSE WE COULD NOT GET PREGNANT. We are adopting because God calls us (all) to take care of the fatherless. My boys NEED a family. We would adopt whether we have 10 biological children or 0. Adoption has NOTHING to do with whether or not we have biological children. Millions and millions and millions of children are sitting in orphanages right now, soaked in the own urine with hungry bellies and no one to call them son or daughter. This is why we adopt. We seek to make them our family in the same way that God has made us His family.
Soon Canaan and Neema. Soon you will be home.
Saturday, March 23, 2013
Waiting, Waiting, Waiting.
Our adoption puzzle finally arrived today! I'm really excited about this fundraiser because we will be able to write the names of each person who sponsors a puzzle piece on the back of the puzzle. I think it will be a tangible piece that the boys will get to look at as they grow older and see the names of all the people who helped them get to us. If you would like your name on a puzzle piece you can donate to our paypal account. Please include what name you would like on the puzzle piece.
Our pastor got us the book, "Adopted for Life" by Russell D. Moore. I've only got to read bits and pieces of it because Justin has been immersed in it. It's a great read and I urge you to read this if you are considering adoption. A friend at work got me the book, "Orphan Justice" by Johnny Carr. I'm only past chapter 3 but so far it's been great. It's a real eye opener to adoption and human trafficking. Whether you are or are not considering adoption, this is a great read for anyone. It beckons our call to do something, just as Christ has commanded us to do.
We finally received new pictures of the boys this month!!! I, of course, can't post them, but I'll give you a little sneak peak.
Our pastor got us the book, "Adopted for Life" by Russell D. Moore. I've only got to read bits and pieces of it because Justin has been immersed in it. It's a great read and I urge you to read this if you are considering adoption. A friend at work got me the book, "Orphan Justice" by Johnny Carr. I'm only past chapter 3 but so far it's been great. It's a real eye opener to adoption and human trafficking. Whether you are or are not considering adoption, this is a great read for anyone. It beckons our call to do something, just as Christ has commanded us to do.
We finally received new pictures of the boys this month!!! I, of course, can't post them, but I'll give you a little sneak peak.
Canaan is on the left and Neema (the younger one) is on the right. They are looking at the photo books we sent them! I'm sure they have no clue what's going on, but one day they will know.
Neema has grown so much since the referral picture we received. It was great to see he has gained weight! We also got height, weight, and shoe sizes for both of them!
We mailed our i600 about a week ago. This was a huge step in our journey. This is where the waiting process really begins. As I have told many of you the United States has made changes to the investigation process before they will issue the children their visas. This is a great change toward more ethical adoptions, but it also set our adoption (as well as everyone else's adopting from DRC) 3-6 months longer. After our i600 is processed and the investigation is over we will travel to DR Congo! We are asking you to specifically pray that the investigation process will be a quick one, but even if it's not we trust that God's will is being carried out and His glory is continuing to be made known through this waiting!
Thank you for your prayers for these boys and for us. There are many, many changes coming our way and I will post more about those on another day! God is good and He has been overly gracious to Justin and I.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
A Heavy Heart
I have yet another sinus infection, so I'm missing out on worship with our church family this morning. It leaves me a lot of time to sit and think about the information I received yesterday.
This weekend our adoption consultant and 2 other wonderful ladies arrived in DRC to take supplies and love on some sweet children there. I'm in a private Facebook group where all the adoptive moms (and dads) stay connected and the adoption coordinators send us updates. Yesterday they went to some of the orphanages and posted the pictures on the private page. What I knew to be true suddenly became more of a reality to me. In this poverty and war-stricken land, little children sit and wait for someone to come for them. My heart literally hurt as I read the updates from these ladies. At one orphanage they went to they saw younger children being fed while older children sat and watched because there wasn't enough food for them. They gave the younger children the food first because they can't survive as well without food. She posted pictures of blankets on concrete floors, wooden bed frames (without mattress or sheets), and dirty floors. This was where they laid their heads at night. Many of them do not have beds at all. I kept scrolling through the photos and came across 2 very small, frail frames that were twin girls. They were laying on a blanket placed on a concrete floor. They are 8 months old but look more like newborns because of the malnutrition. I just began to sob. They don't know if these little girls will make it or not. They are very sick and their bodies are incredibly thin. My heart hurts so bad for these children. Many of them don't have clean water, more than 1 set of clothes, or even a blanket to lay their bodies on at night.
Here is a picture that I have been given permission to share. These are the kids eating at the orphanage. What you can't see are the older ones in the back who who are watching the younger ones eat while they can't. Thankfully, our adoption consultant gave the orphanage some money to buy the older ones food as well.
I'm convinced....adopting 2 little boys is not enough. I MUST DO MORE. The truth has now become a living reality to me as I have come face to face with the pictures of these people living thousands of miles away. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I looked through the pictures and read about the conditions of the orphanages. All I could do was sob. I felt so helpless. Why don't more people adopt!? Why don't more people want to give money to help these people?? This is where I'm flooded with emotions. I'm extremely saddened at the helpless state that these children live in and completely mad that more people don't do something to help! I'm angry that parents spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on toys that their children will just put in their "playroom" and never play with again while children in other parts of the world are dying because there isn't enough food for them to eat. It's not fair. In the midst of my emotional meltdown Justin reminded me that our world is in this state as a result of sin and no matter what I try to do I can't fix it all. It's out of my control. Thank you Mr. Voice of Reason. Justin always seems to have something to say when I'm ready to combat the entire world. At the end of the day I'm glad he's there to keep me under control. I know if he wasn't I would have probably said more things to people that I shouldn't, sold all of our stuff and moved to the DR Congo.
Have you thought about adoption? I know what you're thinking. Yes, I know it's expensive. By all means, I KNOW IT'S EXPENSIVE. You can't use that as an excuse. God WILL provide a way. He always does if it's part of His Plan. He isn't limited by the those things. I think about how much I've cried over these children and how much I hurt for them. God loves them so much more than I ever will or could. I wonder what He feels like. His love and tears run much deeper than mine ever could. He aches more than I ache. He longs for them to be cared for more than I long for them to be cared for. And guess what? He calls us, his church to do the caring for. We are plan A in His redemptive plan. He commands us to care for the orphans and widows and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves (James 1:27 and Proverbs 31:8-9). So what are we going to do? Continue to be comfortable or choose to make a change? I just pray that God will keep them alive and healthy until someone can come to them. Please, someone come to them.
This weekend our adoption consultant and 2 other wonderful ladies arrived in DRC to take supplies and love on some sweet children there. I'm in a private Facebook group where all the adoptive moms (and dads) stay connected and the adoption coordinators send us updates. Yesterday they went to some of the orphanages and posted the pictures on the private page. What I knew to be true suddenly became more of a reality to me. In this poverty and war-stricken land, little children sit and wait for someone to come for them. My heart literally hurt as I read the updates from these ladies. At one orphanage they went to they saw younger children being fed while older children sat and watched because there wasn't enough food for them. They gave the younger children the food first because they can't survive as well without food. She posted pictures of blankets on concrete floors, wooden bed frames (without mattress or sheets), and dirty floors. This was where they laid their heads at night. Many of them do not have beds at all. I kept scrolling through the photos and came across 2 very small, frail frames that were twin girls. They were laying on a blanket placed on a concrete floor. They are 8 months old but look more like newborns because of the malnutrition. I just began to sob. They don't know if these little girls will make it or not. They are very sick and their bodies are incredibly thin. My heart hurts so bad for these children. Many of them don't have clean water, more than 1 set of clothes, or even a blanket to lay their bodies on at night.
Here is a picture that I have been given permission to share. These are the kids eating at the orphanage. What you can't see are the older ones in the back who who are watching the younger ones eat while they can't. Thankfully, our adoption consultant gave the orphanage some money to buy the older ones food as well.
I'm convinced....adopting 2 little boys is not enough. I MUST DO MORE. The truth has now become a living reality to me as I have come face to face with the pictures of these people living thousands of miles away. I was overwhelmed with emotion as I looked through the pictures and read about the conditions of the orphanages. All I could do was sob. I felt so helpless. Why don't more people adopt!? Why don't more people want to give money to help these people?? This is where I'm flooded with emotions. I'm extremely saddened at the helpless state that these children live in and completely mad that more people don't do something to help! I'm angry that parents spend hundreds and hundreds of dollars on toys that their children will just put in their "playroom" and never play with again while children in other parts of the world are dying because there isn't enough food for them to eat. It's not fair. In the midst of my emotional meltdown Justin reminded me that our world is in this state as a result of sin and no matter what I try to do I can't fix it all. It's out of my control. Thank you Mr. Voice of Reason. Justin always seems to have something to say when I'm ready to combat the entire world. At the end of the day I'm glad he's there to keep me under control. I know if he wasn't I would have probably said more things to people that I shouldn't, sold all of our stuff and moved to the DR Congo.
He's right. I can't fix the entire world. 147 million orphans is out of my control. But I can save 2. You can save 2. I wish I were allowed to post the pictures of these children and the devastating reality of where they live. I'm not so sure they really care about having toys or more than 1 set of clothes. They just want to be loved and cared for. Please pray about how you can get involved. Maybe it's not in the Democratic Republic of Congo. Maybe it's in Ethiopia, or China, or here. There are needs to be met and we turn a blind eye to them everyday. I can't do it any longer. I can't act like I don't know. It would be a sin to do so.
Have you thought about adoption? I know what you're thinking. Yes, I know it's expensive. By all means, I KNOW IT'S EXPENSIVE. You can't use that as an excuse. God WILL provide a way. He always does if it's part of His Plan. He isn't limited by the those things. I think about how much I've cried over these children and how much I hurt for them. God loves them so much more than I ever will or could. I wonder what He feels like. His love and tears run much deeper than mine ever could. He aches more than I ache. He longs for them to be cared for more than I long for them to be cared for. And guess what? He calls us, his church to do the caring for. We are plan A in His redemptive plan. He commands us to care for the orphans and widows and speak for those who cannot speak for themselves (James 1:27 and Proverbs 31:8-9). So what are we going to do? Continue to be comfortable or choose to make a change? I just pray that God will keep them alive and healthy until someone can come to them. Please, someone come to them.
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Saturday, February 23, 2013
From An Angry Heart That God is Still Changing
I'm not sure if this is a good time to be updating our blog. I'm really angry and my heart is well...almost bitter. I was checking my Facebook and came across a video called "Gallon Smashing." I'm sure you've seen it. It's had more shares than a lot of other videos about clean water, adoption, or dying people in third world countries. It's a video about these guys who walk into grocery stores, bust open gallons of milk and pretend to be hurt. What's really sad is that thousands and thousands of people share this video and other pointless videos like this just because it's "funny." I don't think it's hilarious. I don't think it's funny. I think it's sad. Our lawyer emailed me this week and told me that I could expect our son Canaan to start changing once he moves out of the orphanage because he will get to start drinking milk. He will get to START drinking milk. The people in these videos are wasting gallons and gallons of milk that my 2 year old son can't even get access to right now. Forget the milk issue...There are dying people around the world just because they don't even have clean water to drink or bathe in.
I'm so angry. Angry that people who can do something choose not to. I don't understand it. Obviously I know that everyone is not called to adoption...but if they were, would there still be 147 million orphans in the world? How do I make people see that one person can make a difference? This is where Justin's voice of logic and reassurance would tell me that this is where I have to trust God to change people's hearts and I have to continue on the journey that He has called us to. Lord, this is where I need your help. I can't make others change, but I strongly desire for them to. I know we are comfortable living in our homes worrying about OUR own "needs." But I beg you, open people's eyes to see that they are living in LUXURY and they CAN make a difference. Please break our hearts for the things that break Yours. Please break my angry heart so that I can love people who don't understand yet.
I don't say these things so that you will give to us. But I ask you to do something. Don't pretend like there are not people dying. Don't listen to the statistic of people without clean water and not try to make a difference. Don't act like you do not see the family who is struggling that lives down the road from you. Don't act like you don't have time or can't afford to. Don't. If you do, you're missing what the Gospel is about.
It's not right for me to be angry at people that waste gallons of milk. It's not right for me to be bitter toward people who complain about their brand new SUVS. It's not right for me to roll my eyes at people who are "stressed" because they don't know what to get their kids for Christmas because they already have everything. God has obviously opened mine and Justin's eyes. As much as I want to guilt people into changing, I know I can't. A friend just reminded me that I must walk the road God has called me to and trust that He will call others to himself as well. I'm sorry for the rant. God still needs to do a work in me just as much as He needs to do a work in people who smash gallons of milk in a grocery store. God give me grace to forgive, especially in the times that I don't want to.
Now for an update:
We received pictures last week, but apparently we keep getting pictures of another little boy who is definitely not Neema. Our lawyer is supposed to go out this week herself and take pictures of him because everyone else has snapped photos of another kid. We did see Canaan. He looks like he has grown in the picture and he was holding our bag of goodies that we sent him! He was wearing the same outfit as in the referral picture. Hopefully the outfit we sent him will fit. The one he had on is probably one of the only sets of clothes he has.
This week we got a letter from the U.S. stating our i600a is moving on to Kinshasa, DRC! Yea for progress! We're also constantly checking our email for new pictures (of Neema) and updates on the boys. We are in the midst of the "waiting period" right now. It's hard but we are doing things to help us through it. We've starting getting things ready for the boys' room. It makes it seem more real by actually getting their room ready. Val brought over their first gift Thursday night. It's symbolic too. :) We flew all the way around the world (airplane and globe) to Africa (giraffe) to give our boys a family name (C for Carroll). I love it. It's perfect for their room. Thanks Val. You know me all too well!
We are still in the process of fundraising. We're going to start a puzzle fundraiser in the near future so be on the lookout for that! You can have your name on a piece of their puzzle that will be in their room for $5.
I'll leave you with one of my favorite videos. It's what I want our family to look like one day.
-Alana
I'm so angry. Angry that people who can do something choose not to. I don't understand it. Obviously I know that everyone is not called to adoption...but if they were, would there still be 147 million orphans in the world? How do I make people see that one person can make a difference? This is where Justin's voice of logic and reassurance would tell me that this is where I have to trust God to change people's hearts and I have to continue on the journey that He has called us to. Lord, this is where I need your help. I can't make others change, but I strongly desire for them to. I know we are comfortable living in our homes worrying about OUR own "needs." But I beg you, open people's eyes to see that they are living in LUXURY and they CAN make a difference. Please break our hearts for the things that break Yours. Please break my angry heart so that I can love people who don't understand yet.
I don't say these things so that you will give to us. But I ask you to do something. Don't pretend like there are not people dying. Don't listen to the statistic of people without clean water and not try to make a difference. Don't act like you do not see the family who is struggling that lives down the road from you. Don't act like you don't have time or can't afford to. Don't. If you do, you're missing what the Gospel is about.
"But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him? Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth."
1 John 3:17-19
It's not right for me to be angry at people that waste gallons of milk. It's not right for me to be bitter toward people who complain about their brand new SUVS. It's not right for me to roll my eyes at people who are "stressed" because they don't know what to get their kids for Christmas because they already have everything. God has obviously opened mine and Justin's eyes. As much as I want to guilt people into changing, I know I can't. A friend just reminded me that I must walk the road God has called me to and trust that He will call others to himself as well. I'm sorry for the rant. God still needs to do a work in me just as much as He needs to do a work in people who smash gallons of milk in a grocery store. God give me grace to forgive, especially in the times that I don't want to.
Now for an update:
We received pictures last week, but apparently we keep getting pictures of another little boy who is definitely not Neema. Our lawyer is supposed to go out this week herself and take pictures of him because everyone else has snapped photos of another kid. We did see Canaan. He looks like he has grown in the picture and he was holding our bag of goodies that we sent him! He was wearing the same outfit as in the referral picture. Hopefully the outfit we sent him will fit. The one he had on is probably one of the only sets of clothes he has.
This week we got a letter from the U.S. stating our i600a is moving on to Kinshasa, DRC! Yea for progress! We're also constantly checking our email for new pictures (of Neema) and updates on the boys. We are in the midst of the "waiting period" right now. It's hard but we are doing things to help us through it. We've starting getting things ready for the boys' room. It makes it seem more real by actually getting their room ready. Val brought over their first gift Thursday night. It's symbolic too. :) We flew all the way around the world (airplane and globe) to Africa (giraffe) to give our boys a family name (C for Carroll). I love it. It's perfect for their room. Thanks Val. You know me all too well!
We are still in the process of fundraising. We're going to start a puzzle fundraiser in the near future so be on the lookout for that! You can have your name on a piece of their puzzle that will be in their room for $5.
I'll leave you with one of my favorite videos. It's what I want our family to look like one day.
-Alana
Saturday, February 9, 2013
The Waiting Begins...
This week has been eventful to say the least. We have been waiting on an update (pictures and more info on the boys). We mailed our dossier (a bunch of very important paperwork, i.e. certified copies of birth certificates, marriage license) on Jan. 23rd. After talking with someone in our adoption services they told me that paperwork gets lost almost every time when sent by USPS...which was how I mailed it! I immediately began getting paperwork together again so I could mail it. Our lawyer in the Congo could not get the paperwork from court until she had the official paperwork in hand. I soon realized that I did not have any more certified copies of our birth certificates and marriage license. Full of emotions I just began to sob. Overwhelmed with not receiving anymore information about our boys. Overwhelmed that I sent the paperwork through the postal service instead of FedEx. Overwhelmed with the work/evaluations at school. Overwhelmed that our adoption is going to take 3-6 months longer due to the changes the U.S. has made with DRC. Overwhelmed.
I knew this adoption wouldn't be easy. I knew it wouldn't be a fast process. But I didn't realize how hard it would be emotionally. Even though I have never been pregnant (and still want to be) I almost envy the mothers who are because they know when they will get to see their baby. We don't know. We don't know if they are safe. We don't know if they are being cared for. We don't know if they are being fed or held. And we don't know when we will get to go get them.
Adoption has taught Justin and I so much about faith and trust in God. There is so many "unknowns" and "what ifs." We can do nothing but trust Him. I am still amazed at the ways God is working. I am confident that in all this God has a purpose and a plan for every moment and desires that we glorify Him in it. So with all the "unknowns" and "what ifs" that are to come, Lord help us to glorify you.
After rushing to order and overnight certified copies of birth and marriage certificates I received a call from our consultant saying we passed court. We passed court? How could we pass court? WE PASSED COURT! This is a huge step in our adoption process and I truly believe that the prayers of our friends and family were heard and answered. Thank you Lord for answered prayers and working even when we didn't realize you were. I just found out today that she did indeed receive our dossier!! Woo-hoo! Even though we know very little of what is going on in DRC and with our boys, we trust that God is there. He is working in our lawyer, He is working in the people who are caring for our boys, and I know that He is working in the hearts of people here. He is working in ways that we are not even aware of and we praise Him for it.
On a positive note some very special people have worked very hard to plan a fundraiser for us! HUGE thanks to Beth Ann and Maddie for all of their hard work. They planned a chili supper and silent auction for us last weekend (Feb. 2nd). We also sold our t shirts. We expected to raise a couple thousand...maybe. We raised $5,000!!!! Amazing! These are the moments that I realize only God can work in these ways. If you came or have donated to us, thank you. I know thank you is not enough but it's all we have. I am overwhelmed at the support and encouragement we have received. Thank you for being Christ's hands and feet to us and to our boys.
I knew this adoption wouldn't be easy. I knew it wouldn't be a fast process. But I didn't realize how hard it would be emotionally. Even though I have never been pregnant (and still want to be) I almost envy the mothers who are because they know when they will get to see their baby. We don't know. We don't know if they are safe. We don't know if they are being cared for. We don't know if they are being fed or held. And we don't know when we will get to go get them.
Adoption has taught Justin and I so much about faith and trust in God. There is so many "unknowns" and "what ifs." We can do nothing but trust Him. I am still amazed at the ways God is working. I am confident that in all this God has a purpose and a plan for every moment and desires that we glorify Him in it. So with all the "unknowns" and "what ifs" that are to come, Lord help us to glorify you.
After rushing to order and overnight certified copies of birth and marriage certificates I received a call from our consultant saying we passed court. We passed court? How could we pass court? WE PASSED COURT! This is a huge step in our adoption process and I truly believe that the prayers of our friends and family were heard and answered. Thank you Lord for answered prayers and working even when we didn't realize you were. I just found out today that she did indeed receive our dossier!! Woo-hoo! Even though we know very little of what is going on in DRC and with our boys, we trust that God is there. He is working in our lawyer, He is working in the people who are caring for our boys, and I know that He is working in the hearts of people here. He is working in ways that we are not even aware of and we praise Him for it.
On a positive note some very special people have worked very hard to plan a fundraiser for us! HUGE thanks to Beth Ann and Maddie for all of their hard work. They planned a chili supper and silent auction for us last weekend (Feb. 2nd). We also sold our t shirts. We expected to raise a couple thousand...maybe. We raised $5,000!!!! Amazing! These are the moments that I realize only God can work in these ways. If you came or have donated to us, thank you. I know thank you is not enough but it's all we have. I am overwhelmed at the support and encouragement we have received. Thank you for being Christ's hands and feet to us and to our boys.
"And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose."
Romans 8:28
We trust that God is working things according to His plan and purposes and He can use all things that happen to make Himself known and glorified.
-Alana
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